Liechtenstein: Vorder Grauspitz 2,599m

A much meatier dribble (double in fact) as certain death and having a KKK Nighthawk called Grim carrying a Scythe as the best mate is to blame for this forthcoming.


Day 1: Yes Day 1 as a second definitely was never intended. Starts with the most boring 2.5 hr hike up a vehicle track sucking the golf ball of a drive out of Go Fast Feet from anyone. The halfway point leads me hand railing mountains hips till am graced with an invisible first of three so-called lakes. The second is a dried out scar manned by the stares of 300 Spartans disguised as sneaky 4 legged cows. The stares that I can’t workout if they are going to stampede me or they’ve never seen a human before, with a spindled set of elbows may I add. Petal my way around to finally get greeted by a fine actually water filled the third lake.  It’s now calf time along while losing the beaten down footpath 100m in. The best thing/feeling I could had done. My happiness was short lived as I crossed paths with the bitch again. Anyways onward & upwards to the Falknis summit, 2562m (west route of the Switzerland side) to get to the Grauspitz summit.


Falkins summit delivers beauty, up there with some of the best I’ve ever done. Don’t think if I can beat it, time will only tell. Great pictures and crack on, but now it looks complicated. Start briefly entering the world of free climbing. Down a summit, on a ridge, around a ridge, over the ridge. One to go, oh wait, the next is not achievable full stop. Now time states that am at a point now of no same return so I have to find a new way down, this does not look good.


Hopscotch over a minefield of boulders and loose scramble rock to the bottom with darkness chasing my ass. Sure I recognise these thingy’s, oh their nothing more than 20yr old mortar shells from where the Swiss Army used to use as a training ground by firing from other mountains in the winter periods when the people, cattle & animals would move out for the winter periods. Oh, look there’s an unexploded live active one, time for a quick selfie. Hit the track just in time for the dark side. Save my battery as battery usage is for beefiers (the weak). Get back to my Votel just before Cinderella time before I turn into a pumpkin to discover my 3 last bananas are squashed behind my day-sack cover. An unplanned Day 2, near zero food supplies, and no time to lose 2hrs of the next day to restock up.  Body screaming out for fuel. I get my finest silver wear out and tuck into this literally 3-course meal.


Day 2: Polished to a Clear mirror finish, my thumb is now deployed as feck losing 2.5 hrs more of my life on that mind-numbing track. This time I am going to try the ‘grass’ east route coming from Switzerland side which I made out in the shadows of darkness near the end of Day 1, must be foolproof.


The entry point is from the cow guarded second lake. Two-thirds up, this is too easy, wait a minute where’s the grass gone. Oh replaced by a bit of rock, OK that’s not a problem, never hurt anyone. Now however a bit of hand action needed, good job I do finger curls for the girls. Hey Elvis leg what you doing here, haven’t seen you in years. Have a look. Oh now I’ve got myself in a vertical free climbing predicament with ‘Safer’ (used in the loosest way ever) to go up, this is what mental hospitals are designed for.


If a rock hits me….CERTAIN DEATH.
If a rock gives way am holding/stood on….CERTAIN DEATH.
Death! Death!! Death!!! DEATH!!!


Over 1 hr later and my full body parts utilised I taste grass. There are no tears near as am a real boy, and no hyperventilating but definitely mild shaking upper lip and signing of relief breathing. Free climbing 300ish meters of sheer rock. I will NEVER EVER recommend anyone to do this nor hope no-one NEVER EVER does this same route (that wasn’t even a route). Rolling over ridge tops are now a walk in the park, scramble rocks to the summit, to be greeted by a scary spooky black lady holding a child, God knows who she is supposed to be. Pass a fallen cross, then reach the summit.


Longest picture taking sightseeing summit I’ve ever done. As I leave I see and half wish I never spoke, met, seen this Liechtenstein gentleman, as I discover that was the second highest, 2575m and the one with no markings 200m to the left (west) is actually the highest. Oh so glad someone’s put a massive ridge in the way, this isn’t going cost me an hour all in all at all.  Reach the actual Grausiptz summit. Wow yes, it’s beat the Falknis views, beauty at its best; to then spot another ridge possible summit west in between Grauspitz and the day’s before Falknis summit this time with a wooden cross instead of the usual mental ones, and it’s completely not hike-able of which I now know from all sides. What a messed up illogical way of marking out summits. Time to get back down but this time a lot safer route from info gained from a download from a Czech couple I met.


How could I end this crazy mental need locking up 48hrs of my life? I know, to get an electric shock through the heart from an electric cow fence, perfect! My heart was fecked for over an hour.


Liechtenstein’s highest summit Vorder Grauspitz, 2599m….DONE!